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If nobody hates U, then you are doing something boring.
Never laugh at your wife’s choices… you are one of them,,
Tired? There’s a nap for that.
I have decided to tell my pets they’re adopted.
If swimming is an exercise explain whales to me.
If someone says “I love you“, and you don’t feel the same way, just say “I love YouTube” really fast.
When someone says you are what you eat, and you’re eating the chickens bum. -funny status
If you have a problem with me write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and shove it up your big behind.
Every time I put my phone on silent it decides to play ‘Hide and seek’.
You put the ‘Pro’ in ‘Procrastination’.
I don’t have exs, I have Ys. Y the hell did I do that? -funny status
If you’re talking behind my back, you’re in a really good position to kiss my butt.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog
Totally available!! Please disturb me!!!!
Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it -funny status
A man is as young as the woman he feels.
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be ‘I left one million dollars in the…’
I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
Best funny status
My father always told me, find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
With all this technology above and under, humanity still hunts down one another.
If Relationship between man and women were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.
When I get a pimple on my tongue I always feel guilty in case I’ve told a white lie.
I dance like a car dealerships inflatable tube man.
I forgot to work out today. That’s 5 years in a row! -funny status
If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realise I wasn’t at work.
I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong. -funny status
That moment when you try talking to someone you’re hot for and you say GFBLQRINABAH instead of “I’m good thanks!”
You look like I need a drink. -funny status
I wasn’t drunk, I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
Hakuna Matata – The great motto to live life!
Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.
Eat – Sleep – Regret – Repeat.
Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.
Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.
Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Nothing is illegal…Until you get caught. -funny status
Friends are like boobs… Some are real some are fake.
Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I’m just going to sit here taking selfies by myself.
Why didn’t you reply to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL? -funny status
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer. -funny status
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
HEY, U ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN??
My style is unique don’t copy it plz! -funny status
Most funny status
If money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys..!
I’m not failed, Because my success is lost.!
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth… -funny status
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
I’m jealous of my parents… I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs!
, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog -funny status
Were you dropped as a baby?” “Yeah into a pool of sexy!”
Lucky for you mirrors can’t laugh out loud.
Well, I didn’t know I logged into sookbook today.
Sitting in class wondering who would die if one of the fans fell down.
I’m pretty sure you’re not a car, get an actual photo for your profile.
May your life someday be as good as you make it out to be on Facebook.
Only 10-20% of the population can wiggle their ears and raise one eyebrow.
We should stop teaching kids to sing the alphabet. It took me 5 years to realize that “elemeno” wasn’t a letter.
Unicorns do exist. They’re just fat and grey and we call them Rhinos. -funny status
A message in the toilet: Treat me well, keep me clean, I will not tell anyone what I have seen.
I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a bad ass when I first joined Facebook. -funny status